Wine might not be everyone’s favorite beverage of choice, but whether you like it or not, there will always come a time in a person’s life where you will end up at a wine and dinner party or something similar. Whether you frequently attend them or appear at one once every solar eclipse, it is important to know certain rules and etiquette so you don't act the fool. Right now I am going to reveal the holy grail of wine drinking tips in a social environment for everyone to maximize the amount of enjoyment at a wine social/dinner party/tasting. Moses himself couldn't draw up a better set of wine drinking rules. Stick to my rules and you will be doing your part to help a social gathering reach its full potential.
By the way, when I refer to everyone (enjoying) I don’t mean just YOU as an attendee, but also the people who are stuck being around you for a whole evening.
1. Don’t be that guy who talks about how much or how little they know about wine.
Wine is an extremely complex subject and like most things that are complex, it’s a horrible subject to talk about at a party. Unless you are hosting the tasting or you run into someone you know who finds it equally as interesting as you do, shut your mouth. If someone asks you a question? Go big and answer that question. Be helpful and courteous but don’t think you are changing people’s lives by discussing terroir with someone who thought rose was red and white wine mixed together like a cocktail. Being stuck in a conversation with a wine know-it-all it the absolute worst. It is the equivalent of getting stuck talking to someone who just got dumped or their mom just died. It gives people who enjoy wine a bad name. Save the in depth terroir comments for the wine-pages or wineberzerker and let everyone talk about normal things.
The opposite side of that spectrum is to not constantly blurt out comments about how little you know about what you are drinking (“Man I never drink wine, is this sweet? I don’t like how sour this is. How do you hold the glass again? I don’t know how to swirl it. I think I drank a pinot one time…I NEVER drink wine”). Like I said before, wine is a subject that is pretty complex and isn’t everyone’s favorite drink…THAT’S OKAY. If you really are curious to learn more, go find the guy who at the party who is sporting the long hair, glasses and sweatstache and has said the word “complexity” 6 dozen times. I’m sure he will be glad to tell you everything you need to know. But if you could care less about what you are drinking and don’t have any interest, keep your lack of knowledge and interest close to your vest and go about your business.
2. Don’t wear a white shirt to the wine party
Last time I checked Bill Shakespeare has been dead for 400 years so no one needs to dress like Penn from Penn and Teller to a party. Leave the white dress shirts (with ruffles) at home before heading out for the wine tasting. You are just going to spill on yourself and wear the “I’m too drunk to hit my mouth right now” or the “I’m an amateur” badge for the rest of the night. There is also the possibility of someone randomly kicking an exercise ball (indoors), and having it hit your hand that his holding a full wine glass, shooting the contents directly on to your chest and face and the wall behind you. Don’t worry about that too much because I’m lucky enough to have that kind of thing only happen to me.
3. Drink water and eat some food throughout the night
Unless you are an alcoholic, you will feel the wrath of your great night as soon as you rise from your slumber the next day. By filling your wine glass up with some water every now and then, and grabbing a couple pieces of bread or a few handfuls of cashews, you will significantly reduce the pain and sorrow of the day after. This will also reduce the risk of making a complete ass out of yourself that night. Stay near the leftovers and keep away from serious conversation topics such as politics and religion, unless you want tensions to rise in the room and have the party tell you that you are out of line (“What’s wrong with you Glenn?” “Yeah, that was out of line man”). Beer causes brawls, Liquor causes hospital bills and wine cause people, typically dads, to get “out of line”.
Another bonus of the water and bread/leftovers tactic is it indirectly cleans your teeth that are most likely dark purple or completely black. You aren’t a vampire or a chimney sweeper living in London circa 1899 so make sure your teeth don’t make you appear as either.
4. Listen to great music
The last tip is more of a “do” rather than a “don’t” rule for enjoying yourself at or after a wine party. Listen to great music. Like said before, focus less on politics and serious social topics and focus more on music and movies. I'm sure things will be fine without it, but there is nothing better than an amazing music chat with some people while your favorite songs are being played. I guarantee the high fives and hugging rate to increase 800% if you have awesome music playing. Also, if the opportunity arises, find a way to sing and or dance. For some strange reason after a few glasses of wine, my vocal cords feel as if they are coated in gold and my feet are supported by angel wings. Drinking wine is about enjoying yourself and being with your friends, as well as making new ones (cliché). So please take that basic idea of enjoyment and make your wine experiences the most fun for you and everyone around you!
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