The Moment that Changed the Game

The first time I ever drank an alcoholic beverage was two days before my 21^st birthday.  I had just hit a game winning home run in the championship game of a baseball tournament.  My whole family was there and after the game my father approached me and said, “Son, I know it’s two days early, but I feel like you deserve this…Welcome to manhood.” He then tossed me an ice cold Budweiser which I cracked open and let pour down my throat while my loved ones cheered and toasted to such a glorious first experience.  THAT WAS WHAT BEER TASTED LIKE.

That story is obviously not true. The truth is I got jackhammer drunk off of between 16 and 23 Smirnoff Ice wine coolers in my friend’s Grandma’s basement when I was 15. I spent the whole night eating tostino’s pizza rolls and making people ask me math problems to prove I wasn’t drunk.  Not exactly the picture perfect first experience but what are you going to do?

Can you remember the first time you drank an alcoholic beverage?  I am pretty sure you can. I guarantee you are thinking about it right now and laughing at how ridiculous it was.  It’s okay, the truth is most of us were too immature and irresponsible to actually appreciate alcohol and the brilliance of the experiences it can help create...and because you were probably too busy ralphing into someones shower.

Luckily we all get a second chance at this.  As you mature, another opportunity will most likely occur which you won’t exactly prepare for.  We have to create the moment ourselves (create doesn’t mean draw a bubble bath, pop a bottle of merlot and shave your legs while listening to Regina Spektor).   You will try a drink at the perfect moment and your mind will be blown. It might be a single malt whiskey or it might be a really nice Tequila.  It might be wine.  If you have a "favorite drink on the planet" that means you love the taste.  You probably also have vivid memories of the great moments in which you had it.  Your experience can make it the best or even turn it into your passion.  It happened with me.

My passion for wine came when I was living in Florence, Italy and I ended up missing a bus stop and getting lost in Tuscany with a friend.  We ended up being in a little town called Pienza for 3 hours.  We quickly figured out we might have been in the most beautiful places in the world and sat down for a lunch after cruising the town.  Pecorino cheese with pears and honey, in Pienza, hanging out with Pete Markun, all paired with a bottle of Chianti Classico changed the game for me.  It paved the road to where I am now and who I want to be.

Would I love wine as much as I do now if I drank my first Chianti Classico while sitting on a washing machine in a basement in West Seattle? Pairing it with jojos and a corndog?  Probably not.  It’s what is happening around you and who you are with that defines a great moment and allows it to transcend time.

I’m not saying you have to fly to Italy in order to appreciate wine.  I’m saying it is okay to put yourself in an enjoyable environment and stop and take a minute to check out your surroundings while enjoying a nice drink.  It can give you a real moment that will always be revived when you taste that specific/favorite beverage. As corny as that may sound, the beauty is that no one can ever take it away from you.

Valentine's Day is the Weirdest

Valentine’s Day is a strange time.  It’s a day you are supposed to show someone just how much you care about them, yet people manage to buy the same old things every single year.  That doesn’t mean spend more money, it means just actually take some time to think about it.  Here are my opinions on the three stereotypical purchases on February 14.

                Flowers are great. Roses are actually pretty weak.  They are probably the most overrated flower on the planet.  They don’t smell that good and they aren’t that attractive. They are pretty damn basic if you ask me.  Roses look great in my Grandma’s or aunt’s garden but for Valentine’s day, roses to me say, “I think I love you but I don’t really have a personality so you probably shouldn’t be with me anyway” or “Hey I forgot it was Valentine’s Day so let me swing by the supermarket and over pay for some flowers real quick”.  Roses are overall an okay flower but if you are one of the three items sold by street drug dealers in Amsterdam along with “Coca” and “Essasee”, you shouldn’t be the symbolical flower for love.  Plus they have thorns so there will always that slim chance that your gift could kill your valentine or kill the person who picked it and that is a little strange.  If I was a woman on V-Day I’d take lilies, an orchid, even carnations over roses any day (yeah I have some flower knowledge, relax).  Don’t ever forget flowers even when it’s not Valentine’s day, they may save someone’s life. Even your own.

                Chocolate is a wonderful thing on V-day. It can be described in many different ways all over the world but a few that come to mind are: delicious, outstanding, crackin, hella crackin, dank, the truth, amazing, the best, really good, bomb, delightful, pleasurable and appealing.  Valentine’s day is the perfect time to get that special someone some top of the line, high end chocolate. Belgium makes great chocolate and so does Switzerland.  See’s Candies is what we could classify as a “game changer” in the USA (and even in Hong Kong and Japan now I believe) so if you have the option, get some.  A sleeper in the realm of chocolate are the Ritter Sport chocolate so if you ever see some in the USA grab as many as you can and try to give a few to your significant other, but maybe not on Valentine’s Day.  If you don’t want to get that kind of chocolate, skip it and do something else. For the record, if you get a woman a box of Russell Stover’s chocolates do yourself a favor and throw it in a dumpster and hop in with it because you don’t belong in a relationship, or even society for that matter.  You might as well buy a bag of mini twix and give it to her because at least she’ll know you got her something that actually tastes good at Target and/or Rite Aid.

                Opening a bottle of champagne even makes Rosie O’Donnell happy.  It is the beverage of love and celebration and truly sets the mood for a wonderful night.  If you want to spend $40 at the store or $120 at a restaurant for some non-vintage Veuve Cliquot you are more than welcome to do so.  Try Taittinger, Bollanger or Pierre Gerbais for a better price to quality-price ratio.  Krug or Salon if you are a real baller.  You also can’t go wrong with some Piper-Heidseck Blue Top (available at World Market in the USA) for my favorite champagne under $30.  Argyle is an awesome sparkling wine to try from Willamette Valley.  Champagne can be so refreshing and vibrant it makes my knees quiver just thinking about it (not really but kind of).  It really has become one of my favorite styles of wines since I’ve been living in France.  If anyone has the opportunity to taste vintage Champagne, especially several being offered in a tasting, I suggest you do it because great vintage Champagne is tough to find but can really show you how beautiful the style of wine truly can be.

                Let’s hope that people are being unique and fun when they make their choices for the gifts they give to their significant others today and aren’t acting as just walking and breathing clichés.  If you don’t have a valentine don’t sweat it, two chicken grilled stuffed burritos from Taco Bell, a 12 pack of Red Hook ESB and Season 4 of The Wire will be just fine for tonight.

Just the (Wine) Tip(s)

Wine might not be everyone’s favorite beverage of choice, but whether you like it or not, there will always come a time in a person’s life where you will end up at a wine and dinner party or something similar.  Whether you frequently attend them or appear at one once every solar eclipse, it is important to know certain rules and etiquette so you don't act the fool.  Right now I am going to reveal the holy grail of wine drinking tips in a social environment for everyone to maximize the amount of enjoyment at a wine social/dinner party/tasting. Moses himself couldn't draw up a better set of wine drinking rules.  Stick to my rules and you will be doing your part to help a social gathering reach its full potential.

By the way, when I refer to everyone (enjoying) I don’t mean just YOU as an attendee, but also the people who are stuck being around you for a whole evening. 

1. Don’t be that guy who talks about how much or how little they know about wine.

Wine is an extremely complex subject and like most things that are complex, it’s a horrible subject to talk about at a party.  Unless you are hosting the tasting or you run into someone you know who finds it equally as interesting as you do, shut your mouth.  If someone asks you a question?  Go big and answer that question.  Be helpful and courteous but don’t think you are changing people’s lives by discussing terroir with someone who thought rose was red and white wine mixed together like a cocktail.  Being stuck in a conversation with a wine know-it-all it the absolute worst.  It is the equivalent of getting stuck talking to someone who just got dumped or their mom just died.  It gives people who enjoy wine a bad name.  Save the in depth terroir comments for the wine-pages or wineberzerker and let everyone talk about normal things.

The opposite side of that spectrum is to not constantly blurt out comments about how little you know about what you are drinking (“Man I never drink wine, is this sweet? I don’t like how sour this is. How do you hold the glass again? I don’t know how to swirl it. I think I drank a pinot one time…I NEVER drink wine”).  Like I said before, wine is a subject that is pretty complex and isn’t everyone’s favorite drink…THAT’S OKAY.  If you really are curious to learn more, go find the guy who at the party who is sporting the long hair, glasses and sweatstache and has said the word “complexity” 6 dozen times.  I’m sure he will be glad to tell you everything you need to know.  But if you could care less about what you are drinking and don’t have any interest, keep your lack of knowledge and interest close to your vest and go about your business.

2. Don’t wear a white shirt to the wine party

Last time I checked Bill Shakespeare has been dead for 400 years so no one needs to dress like Penn from Penn and Teller to a party.  Leave the white dress shirts (with ruffles) at home before heading out for the wine tasting.  You are just going to spill on yourself and wear the “I’m too drunk to hit my mouth right now” or the “I’m an amateur” badge for the rest of the night.  There is also the possibility of someone randomly kicking an exercise ball (indoors), and having it hit your hand that his holding a full wine glass, shooting the contents directly on to your chest and face and the wall behind you.  Don’t worry about that too much because I’m lucky enough to have that kind of thing only happen to me.

3. Drink water and eat some food throughout the night

Unless you are an alcoholic, you will feel the wrath of your great night as soon as you rise from your slumber the next day.  By filling your wine glass up with some water every now and then, and grabbing a couple pieces of bread or a few handfuls of cashews, you will significantly reduce the pain and sorrow of the day after.  This will also reduce the risk of making a complete ass out of yourself that night.  Stay near the leftovers and keep away from serious conversation topics such as politics and religion, unless you want tensions to rise in the room and have the party tell you that you are out of line (“What’s wrong with you Glenn?” “Yeah, that was out of line man”).  Beer causes brawls, Liquor causes hospital bills and wine cause people, typically dads, to get “out of line”.

 Another bonus of the water and bread/leftovers tactic is it indirectly cleans your teeth that are most likely dark purple or completely black.  You aren’t a vampire or a chimney sweeper living in London circa 1899 so make sure your teeth don’t make you appear as either.

4. Listen to great music

The last tip is more of a “do” rather than a “don’t” rule for enjoying yourself at or after a wine party.  Listen to great music.  Like said before, focus less on politics and serious social topics and focus more on music and movies.  I'm sure things will be fine without it, but there is nothing better than an amazing music chat with some people while your favorite songs are being played.  I guarantee the high fives and hugging rate to increase 800% if you have awesome music playing.  Also, if the opportunity arises, find a way to sing and or dance.  For some strange reason after a few glasses of wine, my vocal cords feel as if they are coated in gold and my feet are supported by angel wings.  Drinking wine is about enjoying yourself and being with your friends, as well as making new ones (cliché).  So please take that basic idea of enjoyment and make your wine experiences the most fun for you and everyone around you!